The humor column (12/27/81)

The humor column

by Roman Juzeniw

The Ukrainian Weekly writer sat at the bar by himself, occasionally turning down drinks from the fellow drinkers around him, once in a while glancing at the little notepad in front of him.

"Ivane!" He looked up to see a good friend come up and sit down next to him. "Why so glum, Ivane? Here, let me buy you a drink."

"Why not," replied Ivan, "It's useless anyhow!"

"What's useless?" asked Andriy. "By the way, what are you - a person who doesn't hide his dislike for Banderivtsi, doing in one of their bars? Aren't you afraid for your life?"

"Knock it off. The truth of the matter is that I've been asked to write a humor column for The Ukrainian Weekly and..."

"I see," said Andriy. "You're gathering material. Getting a first-hand look. Going into the trenches."

As he said this, a boisterous laugh came from the men sitting next to them: "A todi meni zhinka dala!" The men laughed even louder at this; even Ivan and Andriy smiled.

Andriy continued, "I'm sure you've already filled up several pages of notes, just listening to those men." He picked up Ivan's notepad and leafed through it. "Only blank pages? You're not doing a very good job of gathering funny anecdotes for your humor column, are you?"

"I should have had a hundred pages of notes already. The situations and anecdotes are there, but I just fail to see the humor in them."

"What about those men there? Aren't they laughing? Why not do a sketch based on what they're talking about for your first humor column?" Ivan's friend saw the possibilities in that.

Both of them had taken journalism together in their college years, with Ivan becoming a well-known writer through his many articles in the Ukrainian press, with dreams of writing the first book on the "Ukrainian Experience in America," which would, of course, land on The New York Times Bestseller List. Andriy, on the other hand, went on to earn an M.B.A. and had gotten himself a well-paying job in the business world.

Andriy put a $20 bill on the bar as the bartender brought them their drinks.

"They're talking about how that one man got drunk last night and what happened when his wife caught him sneaking home at 3 a.m." explained Ivan. "That's funny? How many times have we seen the stereotype of the drunk Ukrainian husband and the wife that's ready to beat him? I find that tragic, not humorous."

"Okay, okay - I see your point. Hmm. Surely there's humor in Ukrainian politics. Think of all there is to satirize: the UCCA Congress, the political infighting, the name calling, the personalities..."

"Ukrainian fighting Ukrainian. There are so many things for us to do here in the U.S. for the Ukrainian cause, and yet we spend so much time arguing and fighting. I see the senselessness of it, but not the humor."

"Youth! That's it! The Ukrainian generation gap!"

"Maybe how the young, seeing all the political fighting, want no part of the Ukrainian community? Or how..."

"Okay, okay, Ah... how about..."

"It's no use. I feel like crying."

Andriy and Ivan sat at the bar, looking sullen, while all around them the Friday night crowd laughed and joked and...

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