EDITORIAL: Celebrating Dad (06/16/96)

EDITORIAL

Celebrating Dad

A Spokane, Wash., woman, Sonora Smart Dodd first thought to create a day honoring fathers while listening to a Mother's Day sermon in 1909. She had been raised by her father after her mother had died. She considered him a courageous, selfless man who had made all the parental sacrifices. She successfully promoted a day for fathers, and the first one was held on June 19, 1910, the month coinciding with the birth of her own dad.

Today, it is easy to lose the meaning of the day. Father's Day is not ties, watches, flowers or even cards, although every merchant will tell you that is the only way to express your love for your father. Many take the day for granted, shoving a tie under Dad's nose and then racing off to the beach or to one of the numerous store sales that abound.

The stereotype of the father who does not want to be fawned over, the male who does not want to show weakness by exposing himself to an emotional moment, also suggests why the day is downplayed by many. Most every father will tell you he would rather be on the golf links, on the boat, tinkering with the car, heck, even mowing the lawn, than at some get-together in his honor. Don't believe it.

The male self-image has rarely found room for the father figure. A dashing Don Juan, a wild and carefree cowboy, a super jock, even the bespectacled scholar exist. The stereotypical Ukrainian male persona includes Kozaks and freedom fighters. These obvious images of strength, machismo and independence also include bachelorhood. A married and caring father is not a "cool" image. Many men, even today, hold on to the illusion.

The reality is different once a man makes the metamorphosis to fatherhood. The changes are both frivolous and profound, obvious and subtle. Here are some ways fatherhood has changed one person.

The new father always maintained that he was master of his own house. When it came to smoking he was going to have it his way, too. His spouse had been weaning him off the nicotine since their marriage several years back, but he had always resisted and never would completely give it up.

Sure, to appease her, he had agreed to smoke only out-of-doors, then had stopped smoking in front of her on social occasions. For her, he had cut his intake to a minimum, but still kept on puffing. But once he realized that he soon would be a parent, he quit in a day and has never looked back.

For 20 years our new father coddled another baby, a 1968 Dodge Charger rebuilt to its original splendor - searching auto shows for original parts, rebuilding the motor, painting, waxing, buffing, then rebuilding the motor again. The car always had a place in the garage, where it stayed 75 percent of the time to shelter it from the elements, while the wife parked her car on the driveway, rain, snow or sunshine. "Just no place in the garage, dear," he would explain to her. Then one day it dawned on him that perhaps it was time to forsake his favorite plaything, in the name of fatherhood.

For an engineer, which our new papa is, logic reigns supreme, most of the time. Prior to the metamorphosis, this new father on more than one occasion remarked: "See that kid with all the toys. I will never spoil my kid like that. Today when you enter his infant son's room you enter a jungle of oversized Wile E. Coyotes, teddy bears, baubles and trinkets. He still maintains that he will not spoil his child.

One day, watching this six-foot-four hulk of a man tenderly doting over his fragile newborn, gently wiping dribble from his son's mouth and then adjusting his bib as he fed him, the degree to which he had changed was striking. He now carried baby bottles, instead of Craftsmen wrenches, a bassinet instead of his skis, and a wondrous look in his eye every time he looked at his son. He had become Dad.

On this day dedicated to Dad, if he insists on going out to the golf course (or you on hitting the beach, or the shopping mall), at least stop and give Tato a hug and an "I love you," because in the end that's what this day is all about. We think Ms. Dodd would have given her "selfless and courageous" father the same. We wish all our fathers a very happy Father's Day.

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