An intrepid New Yorker counsels women on divorce (08/31/03)

An intrepid New Yorker counsels women on divorce

by Helen Smindak

NEW YORK - Vira Hladun-Goldmann made headlines in 1998 when she divorced her husband of 33 years and was awarded half of his estimated $90 million estate - the largest equitable divorce award in American history.

She is following that coup with other major endeavors - a how-to book on divorce, published early this year; a sequel for single women "What is Life After Divorce?" (now in the works); and a documentary film on Ukraine's history, a long-cherished project she is presently discussing with Ukrainian scholars in Kyiv.

Her book "Separate Ways: Relationships, Divorce and Independence of Mind," (Sweetpen Press, 2003), written with the help of ghostwriter Eli Gottlieb, has sold over 5,000 copies and received great reviews. In it, the Rochester, N.Y., native talks with gusto about her marriage to banker Robert Goldman and their eventual divorce, and counsels women on finding the right lawyer, choosing between mediation or court, keeping a marital diary and managing finances.

In separate chapters, she reviews the history of women's rights and shows why being a housewife is a full-time job - and especially how to convince the court of that fact.

She writes in the divorce manual: "My divorce shattered precedents in the legal world, but in my world, it was merely another chapter in the ongoing book of my life. I went into it with confidence, and I had no doubts from the start that I was going to get exactly what I deserved."

From the beginning of her marriage, she supplied advice, input and counsel in her husband's small business, cooked and cleaned their home without outside help, decorated the company's offices, selected her husband's clothes and cut his hair every two weeks. She gave up her teaching job to raise their daughter Olexa. A born communicator, she proved to be an invaluable asset at corporate and charity functions as her husband's business grew and he became wealthy.

In the foreword to the book, Judge Walter B. Tolub of the New York State Supreme Court says he was so impressed by these points (presented in a mountain of paperwork put together by the legal team) and by the defendant's forceful presentation of her case that he had little difficulty in making his decision.

He granted her 50 percent of the estate built up by her husband, Robert I. Goldman, chief executive officer of the New York-based Congress Financial Corp. Previously, most New York State judges halved the assets in long-term marriages, but stopped short of doing so when the assets exceeded $20 million.

Preparing for divorce

Vira Hladun-Goldmann (she added the extra 'n' to the name after the divorce) believes the two things most necessary to a woman facing the end of a marital relationship are information and confidence.

Confidence, plus a methodical approach to problem-solving and a keen instinct for financial dealings, brought her successfully through her years as a kindergarten teacher, dyslexia tutor, homemaker and decorator. During her marriage, she earned 8 million on her own as a restorer of houses and collector of 18th century antiques, working through her firm Hladun-Goldmann Ltd. (She learned the art of decorating through reading, visits to Colonial Williamsburg in Virginia and New York State museums, and by trial and error.)

In "Separate Ways," she relates how she tackled the matter of divorce once she and her husband decided they had grown apart. "Robert seemed to contract in his 60s, to withdraw from the surface of a life I felt myself wanting to rush out and embrace."

First came a period of separation, when the two lived apart - a time, she says, that is necessary "for slow, steady clarification." Then paperwork was gathered: banking and legal documents, and various financial instruments testifying to shared holdings. There was a search for lawyers who shared her convictions about the equal division of assets based on equal partnership in marriage.

Extremely important for a divorcing woman, she writes, is to start keeping a diary dedicated to showing what she does in a typical married day. Then she can realize what she has given to the partnership and, more importantly, begin the process of recognizing her value.

In a chapter devoted to her Ukrainian-American roots and early life in Rochester, she credits her practical know-how and strong ethical sense to her parents, the late Kazimira and Roman Hladun. She says her parents' careful, conservative attitude toward money and work has stood her in good stead all her life - from her early teens as a babysitter and department store clerk, through her years at college, where she majored in education and minored in art, working at the same time as a sales clerk and model in an upscale apparel store.

"Like my mother, I've always worked hard. Ukrainian women are tireless workers, and the trait is passed on from generation to generation," she notes in her book. From her mother, a tailor, she learned about subtle differences in texture, pattern, color and weave in textiles.

Her father, a former captain in the Ukrainian army who became one of the executors of the Ukrainian Congress Committee of America, sponsored 200 immigrants to come to the United States after World War II, finding jobs for them and places to stay so they could get started in their new American lives.

No Ms. or Mrs. for Vira

Earlier this summer, we talked at her Sutton Square townhouse in Manhattan, seated in the handsome oak-paneled library that she converted from a once dreary attic into a two-story marvel of dark wood panels that conceal storage space, an elevator, bathroom, electronic equipment and a drop-down projector and movie screen. The second-level gallery, set off by an attractive wood banister, houses a kitchenette and library.

Sitting back in her chair, casually attired in blue jeans and long-sleeved knit top, she insisted that I call her Vira and use her first name in my story (she doesn't care for the term Ms. and says Mrs. doesn't apply since she is no longer married). Her resolute jaw and upswept hairdo brought to mind the incomparable actress Katharine Hepburn, who was famous for her independent ways and outspoken manner.

During a tour of her home's lower four floors, she proudly showed me through rooms furnished with gleaming period furniture and accessories. The neo-Georgian house and its rooms were pictured in the April 2003 issue of The Magazine Antiques, in a stunning color feature, "Living With Antiques: The Vira Hladun-Goldmann House in New York City."

We strolled outside the back of the house, where a park-like expanse of green lawn bordered by shade trees and flowering shrubs, looking out on the East River, is shared by neighboring townhouse residents.

It's the home she has lived in for 21 years but plans to give up for a Park Avenue apartment (already purchased) once a buyer is found for the 1885 townhouse. She'll keep her London home, a clergyman's residence she refers to as "a charming little house" that's located directly behind the American Embassy, and hopes to build a country house in northern Florida that will hold her collection of prized furniture.

The Goldmans supported Harvard's Ukrainian Research Institute (they hosted fund-raising garden parties at their home) and the Jewish Congress Committee's research on Ukrainian-Jewish relations, but Vira says she prefers to promote Ukrainian projects independently rather than with an established group. Which explains why she's backing the production of a documentary film on Ukraine's history on her own - she wants to provide her creative input as well as funds for the project.

Unlike the exhibit of folk art from Ukraine she tried very hard to organize at the Museum of Folk Art in New York some 10 years ago, this project is taking off. She surmises that the four-hour, four-segment film will be completed in three to four years, with the help of her close friend, British documentarian George Carey.

At 68, Vira Hladun-Goldmann is looking forward to telling the world about Ukraine's glorious history and culture and pointing out, among other things, that "the Russian writer Nikolai Gogol" is Ukrainian and known to Ukrainians as Mykola Hohol. "We're going to get him back; he's ours," she declares with a defiant toss of her head.

She plans to continue educating women on the best paths to follow in divorce procedings, and will start a lecture tour in February to promote her first book. Among other works, she'll continue to provide scholarships for "three wonderful teenagers who come from a housing project," and keep on supporting animal rights.

"After all," she says," "I'm a person with a lot of goals - there are many things I feel are important that I have to accomplish before I say goodbye," she states emphatically.

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