THE THINGS WE DO...: Forget Nesmachnyi, how about Prodaivodenko or Nezdiymyshapka? (07/30/06)

THE THINGS WE DO...

by Orysia Paszczak Tracz

Forget Nesmachnyi, how about Prodaivodenko or Nezdiymyshapka?

The discussion started with "Nesmachnyi," the surname of the Ukrainian soccer player on the Ukrainian team playing in the World Cup. What a surname, eh? It can be translated as not tasty, insipid, tasteless, unsavory, unpalatable. Oh, my. But in the great scheme of things in Ukrainian onomastica, it is just another descriptive surname. We all know folks with humorous, witty, sarcastic or just plain interesting or strange surnames.

Just in the Ukrainian government we have Bezsmertnyi (without death, will never die), Poroshenko (son of the one in charge of the porokh - gunpowder or, possibly, just the son of someone dusty), Semynozhenko (seven feet, or seven knives) and Holovatyi (big-headed).

The names and nicknames the Kozaks received when signing up at the Zaporizska Sich in the 17th century were descriptive indeed, from funny and witty to observant or downright cruel. Osyp Bodianskyi (1808-1877) published the register in Moscow in 1875, in Russian. A Ukrainian translation according to the orthography of 1994 was edited by Ya. Oros, with an introduction by O. Horobyna ("Reyestr Usoho Viiska Zaporozskoho pislia Zborivskoho Dohovoru z Korolem Polskym Yanom Kazymirom Skladenyi 1649 roku, Zhovtnia 16 dnia I Vudanyi po Dostemennomu Vydanniu O. M. Bodians'koho," Chastyna Persha. Kyiv: Kozaky, 1994. 195 pp. ISBN 7-7707-6047-8).

What a fascinating read! Other than the introduction, this book is just a listing of the Kozaks by their regiment (Volume I includes the Chyhyryn, Cherkasy, Kaniv and Korsun regiments). You see brothers, fathers and sons, in-laws, uncles - and sometimes that is clearly mentioned - as in "Demko Vaskiv ziat" (Demko, Vasko's son-in-law) or Isai Pavlyshyn ziat' (Isai, son-in-law of Pavlykha - widow of Pavlo).

Some very familiar names appear often - Yushchenko, Lazarenko, Lukianenko, Tymoshenko, Matviyenko, Zinchenko. There is even a Taras Shevchenko back in 1649.

I went through the register (just give me a map, a dictionary, a compilation of stuff that I'm interested in, and I'm happy) and selected the surnames that were more than the ordinary. And they sure were. There are stories behind some, physical and character descriptions behind others. And some - we'll just never know. Some are difficult to translate, lose everything in the translation, or seem to be onomatopoeiac. So, please humor me in these musings or free association on the Kozak register. For some I will add a free translation (quick and dirty), for others - well, you had to be there from the cradle absorbing Ukrainian or else paying attention in Ridna Shkola.

There are too many special names to choose from. The ones listed here will be by some sort of category - types of descriptions, nonsense and first names that we rarely encounter nowadays (expectant parents - go for it). Often the first and last name together sound lyrical. There are many diminutives. There is no intention to mock these names - they are historical, and just so darn wonderful and creative. And, folks, in this purely subjective selection, I have not made any of these up. I couldn't if I tried.

Hrytsko Skorobohatyi, Ivan Skorobohatko, Konak Skorobohatenko and Stepan Skorobohatchenko (got rich quickly, or sons of one who did). Ivan Vovkodav (wolf-strangler) and Levko Hrubylo (more than portly). Pylyp Korkonosenko, followed in the list by Ivan Korkonis. Ivan Pysanka, Ivan Kovbasa and Martyn Plastun. Lavrin Pidtopta and Dmytro Pidtoptenko. Semen Pokotylo (rolling along) and Ivan Skorokhid (fast walker). Ivan Tverdokhlib (hard bread), Oleksa Neyizhpaska (don't or didn't eat the paska), Ivan Pechybabenko (bake babka) and Ivan Bublyk (Ukrainian bagel). Vas'ko Velykodnyi (Easter), Mysko Lomynoha (broken leg), Fes'ko Bezrukyi (without an arm) and Vas'ko Bezpal'chenko (fingerless). Hrytsko Bezkyshkyi (without intestines), Vasko Hnylokyshkyi (rotten intestines), Kuzma Cherevchenko (large belly or paunch) and Ivan Sranchenko.

I'm on a roll here ... These have different origins or have visited other countries: Vas'ko Tataryn, Ivashko Moskal' and Ivan Liashkiv (liakhy - an original Polish tribe). Martyn Rozdobud'ko (will scrounge or find anything), Yats'ko Neuhad (can't guess), Tymko Tupylo (dull; not the sharpest one in the drawer), Maksym Nehrechenko (either not a Greek or not "hrechnyi" - polite), Ustym Tsiluiko (kisser) and Yakym Pomatsaiko (toucher, or groper), along with Nestor Samokhvalenko (self-praiser) and Antin Dvozhenenko (twice-married).

These are just fun to say and hear: Marko Baibuda, Martyn Taratura, Sydir Turubai, Mysko Manadyka, Tymko Kaziukalo, Havrylo Pokikalo, Sidko Bereka, Ivan Kuchuhura, Zharaburda Berezniachenko, Kalenyk Khytrashashyn, Tush Pidstrailenko, Voinylo Sahanenko, Ivan Nedaiko.

Some belong to higher or lower realms, such as Khvedir and Radko Khrystoliubenko (lover of Christ), Semen Podnebesenko (under the heavens), Yosko Vorozhbytenko (fortune-teller), Anton Antypenko (little devil).

Physical features appear often: Martyn Hola Potylytsia (bare nape of the neck), Andrushko Mordenko (pug-faced, big mouthed), Khoma Bilobrovchenko (white-eyebrow), Tyshko Chornousenko (black-mustache), Hrytsko Semyvolos (seven hairs), Harasym Lykhosherstyi (rough hide), Radko Kryvoshyia (crooked neck), Dats Sukhorebryi (thin or skinny ribs), Marko Mochyhuba (wetting or licking his lips), Kurylo Syniohubs'kyi (blue lips).

The nose delegation is prolific: Khvedir Nis (nose, or the past tense of carry - carried), Lavryn Synionis (blue nose), Manyk Shyronis and Vasyl Shyronosenko (broad nose), Mysko Lomonis (either one with a broken nose or one who breaks others' noses), followed by Hrytsko Kryvonis and Sava Kryvonosenko (crooked nose), Hrytkso Lupynis (punch in the nose, or nose-picker), Ivan Sukhonis and Mykhno Sukhonosenko (dry nose), Artem Krasnonosenko (pretty nose).

Boroda is either chin or beard, and kozaky did not grow beards (but maybe facial hair is involved here): Lukash Bezborodko and Ivan Bezborodchenko (without chin, or beard), Hnat Stryzhyborodenko (shave the beard). And then there's Hrytsko Pupolovchenko (belly button catcher?).

This guy would be fun at a party - Ivan Nalyvaiko (keeps pouring), but not this one - well, maybe - Hrytsko Dobrolezhenko (lies down well). Some of the gorier ones: Ivan Pyschymuchenko (squeal while torturing or being tortured), Semen Krovopustenko (bloodletter), Ostap Kostomolotenko (bone thresher or beater), Sava Kozorizenko (goat butcher).

There's poor Ivan Trynytka (three threads), Naum Chornoshtanenko (black pants) and Yakiv Mokrohlav (wet head). Speaking of heads, there are also coverings for them: Danylo Velykoshapka (big hat), Pavlo Biloshapka (white hat) and Ivan Kryvoshapka (crooked hat).

Now these I'm just putting out there - go figure: Onysko Pivtorabatko (father and a half), Hryshko Kryvoyibaby (belonging to the hunched baba), Tyshko Bezpechnyi (safe), Khvedir Piatyhorchenko (five hills or mountains). Fedir Pyvo (beer), Mys'ko Pyvovarenko (beer brewer), Hrytsko Vodopian (drunk from water?), Mykhailo Sukholiyenko (pours dry) and Ivan Nepyivoda (don't or doesn't drink water).

The first names are fascinating, and the list makes one grateful some are no longer that popular: Nychypir, Khrul, Khvyl, Parkhom, Deimoiko, Nekrashka, Kyryk, Kuts, Yosko and Yatsko and Yakhno, Mysko, Bilash, Zhadan, Dorosh, Kub, Poluyan, Dziurdza, Matiusha, Khursa, Lushchyk, Chornysh, Hapun, Yarmak, Ovdiy.

The surnames in the title? Nekormyhostenko (someone who did not feed his guests), Prodaivodenko (sells water) and Nezdiymyshapka (does not take off his hat).

That's it? No more room? The crook of the cane pulls me into the editorial wings! Enough already? But I've just started - I haven't even gotten to the end of Volume I!

Don't worry, one of these days I'll be back with many more - or my maiden name isn't Pashchak (one with a large [animal's] mouth).

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